i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
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