If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
