You made me cry and you don't even care
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
