Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
