I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Randomize
