Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
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