Already got asked if we're dating
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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