i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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