we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Randomize
