dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I need to calm my uterus...
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
