at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
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