The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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