I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
