i just sold back the books i vomitted on
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I look excited, but its just a facade.
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