Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
