Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
