i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Randomize
