i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
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