hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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