Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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