I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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