I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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