New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
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