I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Randomize
