I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
