my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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