No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
