I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Randomize
