the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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