I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize