Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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