Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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