batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
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