if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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