New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I can't turn off my feet"
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize