I'm eating all of the evidence.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
You pole danced in your parka.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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