her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Randomize
