Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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