did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
