I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
