He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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