took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
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