Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
