I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
handjob tips. give me some.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
