You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
