Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize