You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
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