Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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