3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
