yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
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