I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
my shit smells like andre
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize