An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Randomize
