he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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