xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
