Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
