he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
