How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
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