she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Randomize
