Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
