evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Randomize
