My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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