Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
