Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
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i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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